A “Tail” of Tolerance: How Much Can Your Dog Handle?

Written by E. Foley

We often speak about what human behaviors a dog “tolerates.” In the photo above, the dog is tolerating being hugged by the young child. How can we tell?

  • Eyes: Wide, can see the whites.
  • Ears: Back.
  • Mouth: Closed.
  • Body:  Stiff, leaning away from child.

We say the dog is “tolerating” being hugged because rather than flight (running away) or fight (biting), the dog is waiting for the hug to be over. He’s grinning and bearing it… without the grinning.

Humans and Tolerance

Humans are no stranger to this type of behavior. You tolerate the people in your life every day.

  • Your nit-picky boss who micromanages you
  • Your children who seem to create chaos wherever they go
  • Your mother-in-law who is always critical
  • Your spouse who has developed some weird quirks over the years

How Much Can You Handle?

The amount of your tolerance is related to the amount of love you have for the person (or in the case of your boss, the value of staying in that person’s good graces).

Here’s an example of tolerance in action!

Photo by Fuschia Foot

Photo by Fuschia Foot

You’re out shopping for some new pants. You grab a few pairs and head to the dressing rooms to try them on. You come out of your booth and walk to the big mirror to check out the fit when a complete stranger says, “Wow, your butt looks terrible in those.

How do you react?

Surprise. (Whoa. I wasn’t expecting feedback.)

Anger. (Who are you to judge my butt? Back off and let me judge myself.)

Confusion. (Why are you talking to me, stranger?)

Sadness. (Even strangers notice how wide my butt is. I need to go back to the gym.)

All of the above?

Now replay the scene, except in place of the complete stranger, insert your closest friend. How does your reaction change?

Because you’ve built a relationship with your friend, you can likely laugh it off. You have probably given your friend similar feedback when they were trying on clothes. And maybe, once you see your butt in the mirror, you can agree: your butt does look terrible in those pants.

If it’s a complete stranger, I’ll bet you were angry or upset, even if you didn’t act on those emotions.

Who is Your Dog’s BFF?

Your dog has a good relationship with you. You made training fun! You feed your dog, take him out, play with him, and give him attention. This has all cemented your best friend forever (BFF) status with your dog. If you have children and they have helped with training, prepared your dog’s dinner, or thrown a ball to play fetch, they are also on your dog’s BFF list.

Because of that status, your dog will tolerate the strange things you do. He might tolerate being hugged and kissed. He might tolerate being pet on the head.  He might tolerate being picked up.

He doesn’t like it, but he tolerates it because he loves you and trusts you.

It is important to remember that your dog may not tolerate those same activities from people who are not on his BFF list. While your toddler may have hugging privileges, your neighbor’s toddler does not. While you can pick up your small dog, a new groomer may be bitten. Watch your dog’s body language and remember that it is in everyone’s best interest to treat all dogs with respect.

…But What If?

Let’s go back to that shopping trip with your best friend. Imagine now that you’re shopping for black pants for a loved one’s funeral, and on top of that, you have a sinus headache. Oh, and the reason you’re shopping for black pants is because you’ve gained weight and no longer fit into the pair in your closet.

When your friend says, “Wow, your butt looks terrible in those pants,” does your reaction change?

Even thought you love your friend, your current state of mind puts you at a disadvantage. You’re not as tolerant because you’ve already used your emotional “spoons” on other things that day. You might snap at your friend. You might burst into tears. You might hold in your feelings at that moment and explode when you’re at home with your spouse. Whatever happens, it’s not going to be pretty!

My rescue dog, Titania, has significantly fewer spoons (i.e., less tolerance) when she’s not feeling well. Because she is a fearful dog, she already has the potential to bite strangers who approach her. We’ve worked on counter-conditioning since we adopted her and she has made great strides. Strangers can walk by us and she’ll give them an eye, but not react. And if a stranger approaches with a cookie, she’s willing to give them a shot at earning her friendship.

But if she’s not feeling well, that changes.

A sick Titania reverts back to the fear-reactive behaviors from when we first adopted her. She’s hypervigilant and will bark and lunge. Because I know she’s less tolerant when sick, we limit our social activities and play inside or in our back yard rather than going out.

Think About Your Dog

What situations deplete your dog’s “spoons” and thus, his ability to tolerate the strange things that humans do?

How can you adjust your daily routine to accommodate your dog if he’s having a bad day?

What are your dog’s signs of discomfort? Do your family members know how to spot them?

Free “Advice for Adopters” Workshop Tomorrow: April 12

adopterworkshop-smallFREE Workshops

Other than “Advice for Adopters”, workshops are at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, 6030 Grosvenor Lane in Bethesda, MD.  Go to https://yourdogsfriend.org/free-workshops/ for more information and to register.

Advice for Adopters – TOMORROWSat, April 12

Book Club – this time on CATS – Sat, April 26, 10:00 – 11:30am – Naughty No More – change unwanted (cat) behaviors through positive reinforcement by Marilyn Krieger, certified cat behavior consultant

“I Just Can’t Live Without You” – dealing with your dog’s separation anxiety – Sat, May 10, 1:30 – 3:30pm


Classes  

Go to https://yourdogsfriend.org/schedule-at-a-glance/ for more information and to register.
Classes are at 12221 Parklawn Drive in Rockville, MD.

NEXT Basic Manners I Classes:
Thurs, May 1 – June 5, 7:00 – 8:00pm
WEEKDAY Friday, May 2 – June 13, 10:30 – 11:30am (no class May 30)
Sun, May 4 – June 22, 3:35 – 4:35pm (no class (no class May 11 & 25)

Out & About: Sat, April 26, May 3, 10 & 17, 10:00 – 11:00am

TTouch Methods to Calm Your Dog: Sat, May 3, 1:00 – 4:00pm
(Join wait list. More space may open.)

WEEKDAY CGC Prep: Fri, May 2 – June 13, noon – 1:00pm (no class May 30)

WEEKDAY Doggy Dancing for Fun: Thurs, May 8 – June 12, 10:30 – 11:30am

Leash Manners: Sat, May 10, 1:00 – 3:00pm

Distracted Dog Class: Sat, May 10 – June 28. 3:20 – 4:35pm (no class May 24)

Summer Specials:

Trick Training: Sat, June 21 – July 19, 1:00 – 2:30pm (no class July 5)

WEEKDAY Kids & Dogs Summer Camp (8 – 13 years old):
Mon, June 23 – Fri, June 27, 1:00 – 4:00pm
Mon, Aug 18 – Aug 22, 1:00 – 4:00pm

Old School vs. New School: How Children and Dogs Learn

Written by E. Foley

Have you ever needed to explain the value of positive training to someone who is new to being a dog person? Or to someone who grew up with dogs in the era when choke chains and leash pops were the training methods that everyone used?

I’ve got a way to explain it for you. None of us have been dogs, but all of us have been children, so before I talk about positive dog training, I want to tell you about Catholic school.

The bulk of my early education was in Catholic school.

With nuns.

In a convent.

It was by turns the best and worst of educational experiences. On the positive side, I learned a lot. When I entered public high school as a freshman, I was taking mostly honors sophomore classes.

But that education came with a price.  What price? The majority of the stories I remember about Catholic school are the ones where the nuns were terrible to us.

No Dogs Go to Heaven

Second grade. A little girl in our class was crying and Sister asked her what was wrong.

“My dog died yesterday,” she said between sniffles. “Sister… is my doggy in heaven?”

Sister bristled and spat out, “No. Animals don’t have souls.” She immediately resumed teaching while my classmate openly wept at her desk.

Don’t Think Outside the Box

The nun who taught art had very specific ideas of how things should and should not be done. One day, she passed out a coloring sheet: a picture of a bird perched in a tree.

“The bird should be colored blue,” she instructed. “And you should color his head side to side and his breast up and down.”

Then she walked around the room while we colored. If you were coloring “wrong,” she would slam her hand down on your coloring sheet, pull it from your desk, and slap down a new one.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I vividly remember learning multiplication. We were taught the basics and then given a large packet of multiplication problems. When you completed the packet, you brought it to Sister’s desk, where she took a large red marker and put Xs by the ones you got wrong. Then she  handed the packet back to you so you could go back to your desk and try again.

There was no acknowledgment of what you did right.

There were no tips to help you move in the right direction.

Just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Go back and fix it.

Why I Peed My Pants

The second grade teacher was the meanest of them all. She seemed to  enjoy yelling at children, and being a very shy girl and very conflict-avoidant, I tried my best to fly under her radar.

So one day when she had already yelled at one student for asking to use the bathroom at a non-bathroom-break time, I had a decision to make.

I really, really, really had to pee, but I knew Sister would yell at me in front of the class if I asked.

I made a calculated decision. The trouble I would get in (and social cost) of wetting my pants was preferable to getting yelled at. There was no way I could hold it until break time, so I wet myself.

…and What Did I Learn?

In my school, I learned because I was afraid to fail, not because I was motivated to learn.

And I learned these lessons:

  • Don’t ask questions.
  • Adults are mean, so it’s best to avoid interacting with them.
  • Don’t try anything outside the box.
  • It’s not right unless it’s perfect.

This is Your Child on Positive “Training”

Education has come a long way since the days when your teacher could slap your hand with a ruler (or worse, bend you over and paddle you!). Parenting has made equal strides as we’ve moved out of the age when spanking was an acceptable method of discipline for unruly children.

Child psychologists will tell you that children respond far better to positive reinforcement. If you can “catch” your child being good and praise them for the behavior, they are more likely to repeat the behavior. If you praise your child for having a clean room, they are more likely to keep it clean. If you praise your child for sharing their toys, they are more likely to continue to play nicely with others.

An equally acceptable method is called negative punishment.  But wait! It’s not what it sounds like. In operant conditioning, the “negative” of negative punishment means you remove something that the child enjoys. For example, if siblings are fighting over what to watch on TV, you turn off the TV. In the future, when faced with a similar situation, the children will (hopefully) work out their differences so they can retain their TV-watching time.

This is Your Dog on Positive Training

At Your Dog’s Friend, we use positive training methods. In positive training, we use the clicker to “mark” good behaviors. It’s like snapping a photograph!

“Right there! That’s what I like!!”

The click is followed immediately by a tasty treat. The dog will begin to think, “What can I try that will earn me a click and a treat?” This is the most exciting part of clicker training and something we refer to as “shaping.”

You see, positive training doesn’t rely on perfection. You can reward the baby steps toward the finished behavior. This allows you to teach behaviors that are impossible to train by force methods. For example, check out this amazing video where a dog is taught to stick his nose in water and blow bubbles!

…What Does Your Dog Learn?

Through positive training, your dog learns:

  • If I do well, I get treats and praise! (And later, I’m cool with just a “Good boy!”)
  • If I make a mistake, nothing happens. (Or at worst, my Mom or Dad redirects me to a better choice.)
  • I can try new things and see what Mom or Dad likes.
  • Humans are a source of happy times! I like finding ways to please them.

We have students who come to us as their first experience with positive training after having tried other methods. They are amazed at how their dog opens up, gains confidence, and absolutely LOVES coming to class. My own dog, Titania, will actually start to jump up and down and whine excitedly when we turn the car to get on Parklawn. And her excitement goes through the roof when we pull into the YDF parking lot. School is FUN!

Join us at Your Dog’s Friend

Every class at Your Dog’s Friend is taught with positive methods, so whether you’re looking to teach your puppy to stop nipping, your newly-adopted dog to stop bolting out the door, or your old dog some new tricks, we’re here to help make the bond between you and your dog stronger.

Check out our available classes or come to one of our free weekend workshops.